I found a sailboat for three-thousand dollars on the internet last night. It has a small cabin with two tiny beds and is perfect for heading south. It is both exactly what I want, and the exact opposite of what I want, at the same time.
I have a good friend who is studying for his PhD in economics. He is a smart man, quick-witted, and infallible in logical arguments. I will relish calling him Dr. ______, mostly because I know it will annoy him. Of his good qualities, I envy only one: his singular passion and devotion to one subject. I envy everyone who has found what they want to do for the rest of their lives.
My brain is a seesaw. The left side gives me the strong urge to pack my wife and myself in a sailboat and toss my ambitions overboard. Sail to Central or South America, work odd-jobs, and have adventures.
The right side tells me to devote myself to the study of something, anything, and use my abilities to make a difference in the world. Money is also a factor.
The left side tells me I'd be happy as a nobody. The right side says I want to be President of the United States.
I'm stable when one idea is higher than the other on my seesaw. It's when they are even, like yesterday, that causes anxiety. I spent the morning searching terms like "Best Behavioral Finance programs" and "Mathematical Finance Master's Degree". Then the nagging question buzzed into my head: is this what you really want?
So I spent the afternoon reading articles entitled, "How to Overcome Seasickness" and "Buying Your First Sailboat." The night ended with a doomed pitch to my dad to buy twelve acres of wildlife preserve and natural hot springs in Central America.
Google must think I'm schizophrenic.
I have a good friend who is studying for his PhD in economics. He is a smart man, quick-witted, and infallible in logical arguments. I will relish calling him Dr. ______, mostly because I know it will annoy him. Of his good qualities, I envy only one: his singular passion and devotion to one subject. I envy everyone who has found what they want to do for the rest of their lives.
My brain is a seesaw. The left side gives me the strong urge to pack my wife and myself in a sailboat and toss my ambitions overboard. Sail to Central or South America, work odd-jobs, and have adventures.
The right side tells me to devote myself to the study of something, anything, and use my abilities to make a difference in the world. Money is also a factor.
The left side tells me I'd be happy as a nobody. The right side says I want to be President of the United States.
I'm stable when one idea is higher than the other on my seesaw. It's when they are even, like yesterday, that causes anxiety. I spent the morning searching terms like "Best Behavioral Finance programs" and "Mathematical Finance Master's Degree". Then the nagging question buzzed into my head: is this what you really want?
So I spent the afternoon reading articles entitled, "How to Overcome Seasickness" and "Buying Your First Sailboat." The night ended with a doomed pitch to my dad to buy twelve acres of wildlife preserve and natural hot springs in Central America.
Google must think I'm schizophrenic.
"A ship is safe in the harbor, but that is not why ships are built." I understand how you feel. Sometimes I find myself feeling like I should get my master's to feel/look more accomplished. Don't let society make you feel like more schooling is the only way to be accomplished. I say, take a risk and try out what you love first. You are both still young and childless. :)
ReplyDeleteReading your new blog for the first time on your parents' couch. I totally get this. I think you should go for the sailboat and the adventures.
ReplyDelete